I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
