If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
