Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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