YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
