At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
