so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
