Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Randomize
