Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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