I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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