You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
