Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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