I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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