Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
