Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
