He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
