Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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