i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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