My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
