O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
