help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
nutella sex= disaster
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
