see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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