Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
