Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
