better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
