Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
