I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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