Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
