I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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