I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
