so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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