If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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