I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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