so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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