I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
