didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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