If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
