talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
why is half of my head shaved?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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