I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My vagina is very pro this idea
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
