dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
