I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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