My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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