They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
