Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
