somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
