you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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