May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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