Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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