The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
