Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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