1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
50% drunk capacity currently
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
